TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
