I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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