I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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