You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
