she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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