3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
