Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
