U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
