i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
