i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
