It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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