Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
