I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
