I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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