so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
