Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
try to milk me bitch
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