dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
