Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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