I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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