is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
