yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
