i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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