i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
