can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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