Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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