Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
