i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
