Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
