Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
