Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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