The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
