Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
