Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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