I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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