shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
