the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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