my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
