She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize