I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
