fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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