if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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