I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
