woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
