Sry I called you an 8
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one might say we're banned from that church
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
