I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
