Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
