today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
