Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how drunk are you?
Several
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
