I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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