Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
