Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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