I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
