I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
