If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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