I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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