my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
