so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
