...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
