My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
