i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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