i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
