and you said cock pushups were impossible
they need to just BURY HIM!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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