Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
