I will die if light touches me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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