The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I understand Curling. That high.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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