So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
