My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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