I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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