U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
