you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to calm my uterus...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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