So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
