I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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