sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
