This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
