How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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