i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
