You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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