I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
