Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
